What am I so afraid of?

 

The last year of my life has been so different than anything I've ever experienced. It feels like the rug was pulled out from under me but I still haven't hit the floor. I've been waiting for things to finally settle. I've been waiting for the thud, but instead I seem to be moving in slow motion not sure what to grab onto to prevent the crash. Don't get me wrong, my life is incredibly beautiful. I look about and can see rich blessings everywhere I turn. And on a day to day basis I am happy and hopeful and content. But, last night it hit me... I'm scared of so many things. At first when I realized this I was annoyed by my weakness, but then It came to my mind that if I wasn't growing and learning and changing I would have nothing to fear. So, what is it you ask that haunts my thoughts as I sweep the floors and do the dishes? What is it that creeps into the shadows of my dreams? I am afraid that I will not be able to provide the full and wonderful life my sweet daughter deserves. I am afraid I will fail at being successful, and I'll have to face giving up on building my own business. I am afraid that people wont understand that even a trace amount of a peanut can kill my daughter. I'm afraid of putting myself out there for people I don't know, or maybe even worse that I do know, to see me for who I really am. I'm afraid to speak out about something I am so passionate about, and to have it rejected. I'm afraid to speak up and educate people about food allergies because I don't want my actions to cause Mazzy any harm, such as bullying or exclusion from activities. I'm afraid say to much and risk annoying others or being a burden. When I look at this list I can't help but think of the scripture

"For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." (2 Timothy 1:7)

As I switch my mind set into this new perspective I find great wisdom and comfort. It is out of pure love for my daughter that I have started this journey, and those that don't see it that way are just not in a place to truly understand what I am facing. I am ready to take hold of the power I do have to protect her, and hope to be of sound mind as I go forth to do so. I am ready to speak for her when she cannot, and will be there as she learns to navigate and accept the challenges that come with a food allergy. I am ready to extend an arm of love and support for those that have not been able to find it elsewhere, or are fighting a battle to further the cause at the cost of their own strength. I am ready to show and learn from my vulnerabilities in order to help others find their way down the right path.

As I do this I cannot guarantee to always be right, I still have a lot to learn. And I cannot guarantee I wont stumble and be fearful again. But to those of you that understand the challenges I am facing I am hopeful that we can come together to support and guide each other. And to those of you that don't understand, and may find my constant push for this cause an annoyance, please understand it is my child's life at stake, and you would do the same.

So for now I plan to push forward. I will look for every opportunity I can to speak up at church, through the schools, at community functions etc... You will see me with my little booth complete with safe "treats" and a demonstration on cross contamination. I will post everything I find informative and useful on Facebook, Instagram, Pinterest, Twitter, and any other SM outlet I think might get some attention. I will continue to create awareness t-shirts for my little lady to wear to help keep her safe. I promise to be "That Mom" Because for every person that I can reach and educate there is one more child that is a little bit safer. The more I talk, the more people will understand, and the safer our children will be.

Join me in my cause....

Visit and like our FaceBook Pages:
https://www.facebook.com/foodallergykids
https://www.facebook.com/pages/Talk-For-Me-Tees/215850248581440

Follow us on Twitter:
https://twitter.com/TalkForMeTees @talkformetees

Follow me on Instagram:
#talkformetees

Buy a shirt for you little food allergy cutie!
https://www.etsy.com/shop/TalkForMeTees?ref=si_shop

The Case of the Frozen Epi....

 

It all started one evening that was much like any other evening. The Hubs and I had just returned from the grocery store, and little miss was in a state of tragic exhaustion. As you know, when two year olds get tired, they also get very irritable, and when a two year old gets irritable they are very good at expressing said irritation. So my Mom brain instantly switches to survive until she's in sleep mode. The plan...I take Mazzy into the house kicking and screaming, preferably without injury to either one of us. Pin her down long enough to change into p.j.s, and snuggle her to sleep. While I'm doing this my sweetheart has volunteered to carry in the groceries. After a hectic 45 min. little lady is sleeping, and my sweetie and I are headed to bed ourselves.

So, here in Utah it is very cold in the winter. It often gets down into to teens during the night. In fact on the night of this incident I believe the low was about 15 degrees. And, as anyone with an epi pen knows, it should not be allowed to get below 67 degrees.

When I woke up the next morning it just felt like a good day. The sky was blue, and the ground a crisp and sparkly white from a light dusting of snow. Mazzy woke in a sweet and excited mood, I was having a particularly good hair day, and my darling was giggling and teasing with Mazzy while I got ready to go to our Sunday services. I was just thinking to myself what a lovely morning we are having when I reached for my lip gloss...where is it? Oh! I left it in my purse...where is my purse? After marching between my different "purse spots" several times, I finally stopped and let the dred set in. The only place I hadn't checked was the car. Without even putting a coat on, I slipped my husbands giant snow boots on and clumsily tromped out to our car. With a groan I saw it there on the other side of the car seat. My purse/ the epi pens had officially spent the night in the car freezing. It's okay, I got this I told myself...the pharmacy has another rx on file. I'll just run pick it up, and we'll be off to church as usual.  This might have been the case if our insurance hadn't just switched, but after 2 hours trying to track down our new insurance number on a Sunday, and a couple trips to the pharmacy to sort things out we still didn't have all the info we needed, and would have to wait until our insurance opened back up on Monday. The thought of living with out an epi for 24 hours terrified me.

 Mazzy stayed with us in the adult classes that Sunday, and had to miss out on her beloved nursery. And then the family party later on was an even bigger source of anxiety than usual. When it all comes down to it we were able to replace the epi's. But, I definitely learned a couple gems of wisdom in the whole fiasco of it all...

1. Have a set of "take along" epi's that stay with us on our outings. As well as a back up set that stays home in a temp controlled medicine cabinet.

2. We are so blessed to have insurance. The cash price of $876.00 almost made me faint when I heard it. My heart goes out to those that struggle to find a way of having this life saving medication on hand.

3. I need to find a way on reminding myself, even in the hectic moments, to make sure the epi's are accounted for and usable. I set an alarm on my phone. Here's to hoping that works.

And last, I learned that if my husband and I work together as a team we can take the steps needed to keep our most precious treasure safe.

The End.

What clever ways have you come up with to keep your epi's close at hand? Please tell me I'm not the only one that struggles with this. Let us know in the comment,s or on our Facebook page: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Talk-For-Me-Tees/215850248581440

New Graphic Available from Talk For Me Tee's!

Ta Da!! New graphic ready to go. SO excited to get this one out there. Mazzy was so pleased with her new shirt I had to bribe her to take it off for her bath. My Mom and I started this line of graphic t-shirts to help alert people of Mazzy's allergy...But we quickly realized it is so much more powerful than that. These t-shirts start a conversation, and give us the opportunity to help educate and raise awareness. Find our shirts in our Etsy shop at https://www.etsy.com/shop/TalkForMeTees?ref=si_shop. Will also be available on Amazon soon.